JC Tendulkar

By all accounts, he was born in a manger. Three shepherds (read Bombay taxi-drivers) followed a star in the Malabar coast's grime smudged sky, and were led to THE birth. Shame they didn't have a choice about the transport. All mules and similar creatures in Mumbai have long since been seconded to dhobi-ghat duties.

He was crucified a couple of years ago, called Endulkar by the Indian press after a series of failures. Like Jesus, he has had his second coming, only Jesus didn't have the antipodean convicts to reckon with and didn't average 70.3 against them in his last series.

The holy grail was the ODI 200. A billion people have drunk from the cup. Give it a wash, will ya?

Notice how he looked like a truncated cross when he lifted his arms in celebration? All part of the deal.

Like the Prebyterians, Catholics, Lutherans and Baptists, we now have the Tendulkarites, the Sachinisms, the Sachdans, or simply the Sacked ones- too many hours spent at work following his divine exploits for their supervisor's liking.

Cultists used to look up his exploits in the Old Tendament- otherwise called the Statsguru. Now, they have the revised version- you guessed it- The New Tendament. Bookmark CCU 55.56: Though shalt eulogise ceaselessly, and I shall never retire.

If you are an Indian and a non-devotee, beware of the Crusaders. They are-a-coming. It's only a matter of time before they get you.